I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
