I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
