If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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