So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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