everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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