I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
