Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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