I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
