Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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