is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
