i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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