apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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