i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
