If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
