At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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