First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
