If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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