if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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