We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I intend to get homeless drunk
porn star boner night. come get it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
