I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
