i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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