Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
