I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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