It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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