I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
