Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
