'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
