one might say we're banned from that church
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
