Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
