Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
