Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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