I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
