Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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