I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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