remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
