Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
