I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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