dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
