It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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