My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
