You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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