i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
