That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
