No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
