He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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