Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Little spoons don't ask big questions
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
