Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
