i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
