He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
