Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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