I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
