Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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