her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
