Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My penis needs a shock collar
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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