and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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