so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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