Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
where are my eyebrows?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
