i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
