My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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