I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
