are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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