i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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