I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
