Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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